Dear Wardrobe, I Love You
My clothes and their stories with pieces I’ve had for 10 years or more
If you’re single, how about falling in love all over again with the pieces in your wardrobe, so when Valentine’s day comes around again, you’ll be ready to celebrate all those love stories and adventures you’ve had together with your cherished pieces, without the need for a partner. Sounds like a crazy idea?
Well, you never know, It might just help you to focus on love of a textured kind if you’re alone right now.
Enclothed cognition never felt so good.
This month I’ve been looking back at some dear friends in my wardrobe who have seen me through many joyful and happy life events, including some of the most difficult times in my life. Pieces of clothing that I’ve held onto over the years because they are like dear friends.
Holding onto them is like holding on to happy memories. It reminds me of my own resilience too.
Wearing some of my favourite clothing through times of illness and life challenges, helps me to get through these difficult periods via unclothed cognition. Many of these selfies were taken to retain my identity during those days I was able to get dressed and put on something that was me, that which reflected my personality.
I might not have always made it out, or got out for long, but it helped me to feel I was part of society and to prove my own existence. Holding onto certain pieces bears not only significance to joyful moments, captured in time, but reminds me of the person I was before illness took a large part of my life and personality away.
Clothes to me are far more than old friends, they are fragments of a life I once had that was fulfilling, joyful, and free (most of the time). Free mainly in the sense, from the limitations of ill health.
I’m grateful that I’m still able to wear some of them, just about, and that helps me to retain that sense of who I was before my condition changed my life, before it had any more chances to swallow the rest of me up. I’ve since added quite a few new additions as weight change forced me to, but I always look to complement what I’ve already got, to see how it will work with my existing wardrobe. I’ve found new styles working well for me now, such as high waists, coupled with some of my old favourites. When you’re a neat hourglass, there’s not a lot you can do to change, but you can accentuate and create illusions through dressing differently to maximise what you’ve got..
This article is about celebrating those pieces which have gone the distance, and here we go, yes I’m going to say it again, copious amounts of “joy-per-wear.”
I was the kind of person who maintained the same weight most of my life. However, when illness continued into my 30’s and 40’s, medication wasn’t so kind to me. That, coupled with severe insomnia has meant inevitable weight gain and loss of tone I’d worked so hard to keep during my short time as a dance teacher. Being unable to exercise fully since then (2008) has meant letting go of all my hard work, watching it being undone and not being able to do much about it. Being able to exercise at a rate to induce weight loss was no longer an option and has now become a luxury in my life.
Our wardrobes change with our lives, but can we still hold on to those dear friends when we invest well?
I believe so. A large proportion of the 20% of my wardrobe I wear fairly often is more than 10 years old. 20% is usually the amount we actually wear, while the rest is often made up of impulse purchases and stuff we don’t wear very often, or have forgotten we’ve got. In my case, around 30% of my wardrobe now consists of comfort and old active wear I used to dance in, and I often live my days in pyjamas and loungewear because of my condition. It often makes me feel sad when I want to wear my beautiful clothes more often and I’d say they mostly make up that remaining 50%. By beautiful I mean quality items I’d love to wear if I could get up every day and go to work, dressed my best. This includes items like sports luxe styles and those which I wouldn’t mooch around at home in because it’s a waste and ruins them.
The silver lining is that those other clothes stay in great condition, ready for those days I’m able to wear them, and no doubt will last more or less forever in my wardrobe now because of that.
ABOVE: Smiling through the relentless torture that is severe sleep deprivation. A day after a sleep tab means I get to do stuff I need to do. The things I could do again if I slept consistently!
This zip fronted black long sleeve Benetton top was bought for me in around 2002 and I still wear it now. It’s a perfect example of my comfy but stylish-ish range for days when I have to go out but feel like crap. It’s certainly gone the distance.
I’ve been a bit of a hoarder over the years and I’m not sure if it’s something to do with wanting to hold on to those happier memories or simply just because those pieces just worked so well for me. I know there is stuff in my drawers and wardrobe I haven’t worn in ages, but that’s because I’m not able to get dressed everyday.
I had my biggest clear out since illness took hold again and my weight changed, a few years ago, which prompted an earlier ARTICLE.
That means I have to be even more mindful of what I keep and what I buy and hold onto; and of course, what I actually choose to wear when I’m having a better day and can get out into the world. I have to make it count.
Often times practical wins because I have to ride my bike for example to get my food shopping, but sometimes I use this as a day out to feel good and put something half decent on. It often has to be combined as part of my exercise too (look up spoon theory).
I’d much rather be feeling more like a professional in my every day though, wearing my best, but it doesn’t seem to suit the condition I have. During what I feel really should be the highest career point at this time in my life, I’m having to sit back and watch others most of the time; but there you go, life throws us those bombs and there is no set formula. When you live in a society that can’t always see that though, it makes it all tougher to be able to fit in. It didn’t matter so much when I was dance teaching as the clothing was always comfortable, it had to be, but I always styled myself and made the effort.
Hopefully this article will inspire some happy memories for you too. I’ve written it mainly for that reason and I hope it evokes some of your own personal stories when you think about your clothes, because goodness knows we need some happiness now even more than ever. Let’s remember the good times.
So take time to have a peek back at your own wardrobe memories as you read about mine and my love for these cherished pieces. Allow yourself some nostalgia if it makes you feel better too. It often works for me.
ANIMAL MAGIC
THEN…
ABOVE: Tiger and leopard are my go-to’s. These 4 pieces have been styled countless ways over the years! The tiger vest was handed down to me from my auntie over 15 years ago, amongst a few other things I still wear that used to belong to her. One of my favourite ‘heirlooms’ much like grandmas pink floral blouse in the first pic.
The hat was bought at London Fashion Weekend back in 2005/6, and has seen many London parties and late night Soho jaunts. I once even breakdanced at a party in it; and the leopard print vintage sweatshirt and Red Mutha jacket were bought during my Brighton days, from around 2004; the jacket was bought at the Brighton Surf festival when I used to do Paddle Round the Pier. I skated home in it that very day along the seafront on my longboard after seeing Transformer live on stage. All worn as I was living my best life by the sea, performing and dance teaching, just before I became ill again.
Animal print is a classic wardrobe staple of mine and its appeal has a lot to do with the beige and brown tones as much as the pattern, both which work well for me. I’ve since tried on a gorgeous leopard print coat in my other colours: green and blue, but the classic neutral tones always work really well as my classic go-to. I’ve got another leopard print top that isn’t shown here which I bought from Kookaï over 15 years ago that I still wear too.
NOW…
ABOVE: Now in 2021 - I still adore these pieces, they bring out the animal side , grrrrrr, prrrrrrr
GO CAMO
THEN…
ABOVE: This camo jacket, bought second-hand in Brighton around 2004/5 and the skirt I wore so much and held onto for years, but it had to go in the last 6/7 years, as I put on weight. The green bikini has seen it’s last salty surf days now, but the jacket remains along with this camo style XLARGE visor which has seen many a surf adventure. The Antoni & Alison ‘ACTION’ badge lived on this visor, ever since I did a work placement at Modus publicity, London in 2001. You can see where it was quite clearly in the NOW pics. Also, note the leopard print belt too which I purchased when Angelee and I did our first stall at Portobello for Thrift Generation, back in 2003. It’s still one of my favourite belts.
These pictures were taken around 6/7 years ago and I do have older photos somewhere. It’s taken me a while to find some of them, sifting through old memories.
Ah, they were the days of the six pack, no really! Dancers have to be strong you know. If I find them I’ll add them later. These pics were taken around 6/7 years ago after the six pack had faded but still with some muscle memory left.
NOW…
ABOVE: Now in 2021 - I’m often in a fun mood when I wear this visor, mostly summertime when I’m out skating occasionally, or on my bike. Can you see where the badge went now? I need to find a new one for it.
I do love a cosy neck, so adding this piece of faux fur, bought back in 2001 hits the mark for me. This jacket is another piece of fun with unique embellishments I’ve added over time: re-imagined years later with added fur collar and embroidered appliqués to the back and front, sequin epaulette detail and ribbon tie; and the remains of a black cashmere jumper, once belonging to an ex (other parts made cut-out letters for a cushion cover), which made a cut-out flower shape, resembling the camo detail, sewn onto the front. One of my favourite personal embellished pieces to date.
it’s a wrap - dress
then…
ABOVE: The wrap dress. Every woman who enjoys wearing a dress should try one. So flattering and this one in particular has been great for holidays as it packs really well and is so comfortable to wear, in a silky material.
I’m forever pushing myself to wear more dresses, but my current lifestyle doesn’t always make this practical for what I need to do. Wearing a dress often feels like being let off for the day just to feel feminine and free from more pressing practical tasks. Those female nurses pre 1980’s did well, even in a shift style dress.
Far right: 15 years ago in Morocco where I met the kings bodyguard as he visited town. I celebrated my 30th birthday in Marrakech that year. Before that I honestly cannot remember but I’d already had this dress several years before that too, so it must be at least 20 years old. Now vintage Topshop.
Black and white is a key staple for me too, worn with accents of bright colours such as pink and red.
NOW…
ABOVE: Last Summer 2020 - I’ll wear this one until it falls off me! Still not sure about the white tights, but it was worth a go during seasonal transitioning. It looks better with black tights which is how I wear it in Autumn, with a black polo neck too. Word to my younger self: protect the décolletage!
jersey girl
THEN…
ABOVE: This reminds me of summers working in the salon on Palmeira Square in Brighton. Cool, comfortable and a flattering style, perfect for going straight out in after work. No time wasting in this one, put it on and go.
now…
ABOVE: Last summer 2020…. I’ve put weight on but because it’s a flattering style I still feel good in it, plus it’s stretch jersey so ideal for weight fluctuations.
STRIPES OUT
THEN…
ABOVE: This black and white striped number has seen it all! From a World Record Attempt Rocky Horror Time Warp dance on Brighton seafront, to high days and holidays all over London and the South East.
One of the most versatile pieces for layering. I like it especially for teaming with bright pinks over the top as seen here.
An interesting or helpful fact: The Breton stripe is also great for imitating sea snakes when surfing in shark infested waters. Something I discovered prior to my trip of a lifetime to Hawaii. I didn’t wear this long sleeved version though, but a vest with slightly thicker stripes.
NOW…
ABOVE: The French side just comes out….Magnifique!
I enjoy wearing this now with a mohair cerise pink puff sleeve jumper and a new addition bought last year in the sales: an over-size neon pink thick knit soft cardigan
lil’ miss sunshine
THEN…
ABOVE: I’ve worn this top SO MUCH. Long Summer days, in a Glastonbury haze, Brighton Pride, worn far and wide! My favourite thing to do was team it up with this pink floral blouse. It’s the one from my Mama, passed down from her and I’ve worn this yellow and pink combination many times, for high jinks. It’s pure sunshine.
now…
ABOVE: Now in 2020/1 - There came the day I had to dye this top so I could continue to enjoy it. So after having my colours swatches done, I realised a Burlesque Red would suit very well because that yellow, even though sunny and gorgeous wasn’t quite the right shade of yellow for my skin tone. Now I’ve chopped and dyed my hair darker too, I’m finding more striking combinations.
This one is definitely on its way out though as it’s looking a bit shabby. It’s been worn many ways this colour too, with some pieces I’ve had to say goodbye to. It’s been sewn in places too. Time’s nearly up for this one.
white rabbits - the wild card
then
ABOVE: Green suede and fur zip up jacket. I bought this from Andrew Fionda’s gorgeous little boutique where I lived in Kemp Town, Brighton over 10 years ago; hesitantly at first but I decided because it was vintage, it seemed a shame for this little rabbit’s life to go to waste. I am also a wooden rabbit in the Chinese calendar.
I don’t condone fur, even though rabbit is still a by-product of the food industry in some countries, it’s not really here in the UK. Not that it makes it ok because the whole meat industry is fuelled too heavily by our over-consumption.
I have animal skins such as sheepskin and leather shoes and eat cow and fish too, and I’ve always said we should be able to kill what we eat. I’ve only ever killed a fish so far in iife and I’m the type of person to not even kill a fly, so it’s a tough one.
I know we probably could survive on not being meat eaters, however I believe that animals and humans both eat meat, we just eat too much of it, so I eat it once or twice a week if that. I also believe in the savagery in life and that suffering unfortunately is a part of it.
Having had severe insomnia for the last 12 years has made me realise that life involves a lot of suffering. It sounds bleak but it helps me to justify why I do certain things and behave in certain ways. When I see it in the animal queendom, it’s absolutely savage. Birds and crocodiles are prehistoric survivors and I have a lot of respect for them, even though they terrify me. They didn’t get this far by being vegetarians either.
Ok, I would cry if I killed something bigger than a fish, but that’s because i’ve not had to really survive or be pushed to survive in that way. My struggle is one of mental resilience, and often daily physical pain, to stay strong when I’ve not slept for nights on end. Sometimes I actually wish I was an animal, especially a dog that was well cared for and could sleep so easily. If I was killed I would be out of my sleep deprivation misery at least and life would go on. It’s just a fact of life on this planet we live on.. A factor I don’t take lightly either.
I also believe in re-incarnation of sorts so that also helps me to justify many injustices that exist in the world, both animal and human.
Being human for me is to kill as humanly as possible and show my respect. To me currently, that is by eating far less meat and dairy than I used to. If I had to kill an animal to eat right now, I would chose not to eat meat, but I don’t currently live in the wilderness either.
Killing a rabbit if I was out having to survive, maybe yes.
now… ?
I’m debating whether to put this into the shop at the moment.
I wanted to share the above so I could have this conversation with you and I wasn’t sure whether to be brave and approach it but I have. I did a mini vlog about it which is still in my instagram highlight, but it’s difficult when you get no reponse to these things, so I shall ponder a little longer before I decide to put this one in the shop.
I don’t think a charity shop would take it and I’d feel more sadness for the rabbit/s by burning it. I also thought about deconstruction and replacing the fur with faux fur, but it seems nonsensical to do that and it’s such a neat well tailored style. There are also still stories about faux fur not being faux too.
Perhaps it can be rented for film hire where one is required for historical purposes.
I am all too aware of my hypocrisy for the love of animals yet continue to eat them. This is yet another human dilemma some of us are still trying to get our heads around in life. In the meantime, this jacket sits unworn and unloved. Let me know what you think in the comment section.
on a final note
I’m finishing on a carousel of pictures of some of the other pieces I’ve had for 10 years or more, all with their own stories too. Lots of chapters to look back on and lots ahead to live. I’m still wearing all of these too, updating and changing combinations all the time, it’s half the fun. If I find more, which is highly likely I’ll add them to replace some of the duplicates here, so feel free to check back over time.
Building a wardrobe of clothes you love and cherish is a really good feeling. If you look after your clothes, they’ll see you through many chapters of life and become like old friends. Learning to love your wardrobe takes time and tweaking, but with a little effort the rewards can be so amazing.
How about setting a few new resolutions relating to those existing habits and look at experimenting again with your style.
When you pick out your favourites, take a note of the colours and tones of them, and what you wear them with. Often those accent colours are a helpful indication of your colours. I know mine quite well now since having a colour consultation done years ago.
Enjoy the memories, I’m thankful for mine.
With love,
Madeleine x